Parenting – The art of juggling too many tasks

You are likely balancing many tasks as a business owner and parent.

You constantly consider the needs of everyone around you. You put energy into your business needs, your children need organising, your home needs looking after as well as a relationship that likely demands attention.

But where does that leave you?

Who is supporting you?

Traditionally we have been trained to express our needs using blame or putting pressure on the people we care about. Many people aren’t aware that they do this and it certainly isn’t intentional.

We say things such as:

“You never pick up your clothes”

“You always leave the dishes lying around”

“I have to do all the work”

“You don’t care”

“You forgot to put petrol in the car again!”

We believe that if we direct our needs towards others, they will magically and suddenly understand what it is we are asking for and respond appropriately.

There are easier and more effective ways to get support. However changing your communication style is necessary for this to occur. I use 2 formulas for getting my needs met WHEN…..THEN……or I FEEL…….WHEN……BECAUSE……..

In order to meet your needs and get appropriate support, you need to be really clear what you are asking for and why.

Speaking authentically about what exactly you need help with makes it much easier for others to respond.

“You never clean your room” can become “I am reluctant to come into your room and pick up washing because I can’t tell what is clean and what is dirty”.

This is a self-disclosing statement – there is no criticism or judgement of the fact, just ‘what is’.

This is the ‘When’. WHEN the clothes are on the floor.

Ok you say, so I say this to my children and they don’t respond. Then what. The reason people don’t respond is because the impact on you isn’t clear. They need to know the ‘Why’ – the actually tangible effect on you in terms of time or money or interference with your needs.

“I can’t tell what is clean and what is dirty and this makes it more work for me. I end up washing twice as many clothes as I need to.” This is the ‘Then…’. “When the clothes are on the floor THEN I can’t tell what is clean and what is dirty.

There is no blame in this statement whatsoever and it contains enough information to allow the other person to respond.

The key to getting YOUR needs met is to really know what you need for yourself.  A bonus of this approach is that you get to really know what is REALLY causing you a problem.

There are many ways to change the way you communicate, the first step is making the decision to end blame and take responsibility for how you feel and invite others to care.

You also teach others to be responsible for their own problems and this relieves the burden of pressure on how many things you feel you are juggling.

By Clare Christie

You deserve support and you have a right to ask for it. Speak up and have your voice heard. For further help on effective communication strategies for self-awareness please contact Clare Christie.

Clare is an internationally recognised parenting and communication expert and specialises in practical and common sense family harmony.

Clare is available for Skype Consultations, Communication Programmes, Workshops, Public Speaking & Home Visits in Perth. //harmonyathome.com.au for more information.